I was on top of the world.

I was booking a brand new keynote speech across Canada and the United States. I had a new book proposal ready to send to my editor. Moving back home to British Columbia felt amazing. My family, awesome. Everything was perfect.

Except it wasn’t.

From October 2018 to March 2019 something wasn’t right. OK, a lot wasn’t right — I felt awful.

I was tired, puffy, and clumsy. My family doctor kept testing my iron to see if I was anemic, but my ferritin levels were perfect. My thyroid also tested fine. I was exercising, drinking water, and eating my veggies. But exhaustion and migraines persisted. I also fell down a steep flight of stairs.

Nothing felt right.

Because it wasn’t.

In April 2019 my body sent me the ultimate warning sign, a white flag of sorts, a call for help — my nipple leaked.

My right breast looked fine, the same as always. I checked for lumps, the same as always — nothing to feel. But I went to see my doctor, just in case.

After a quick breast examination I was booked for a mammogram, again, just in case.

As a “low priority” patient without a palpable lump, the mammogram booking office told me I could wait up to two months for a scan. While waiting, I tried to keep my chill.

But things got real just three weeks later — I woke up and felt something, and it wasn’t good. It was a massive lump at the 12 o’clock position in my right breast. It wasn’t there before, and now it was.

The following weeks were hell. To save time my doctor skipped the backlogged mammogram and opted for an ultrasound scan to get a view. So the month of May was spent waiting for an ultrasound. Getting the scan. And waiting for results. It wasn’t good.

What I had hoped to be a cyst, wasn’t. It was a vascular mass measuring 1.5 cm across my breast and it felt like it was growing rapidly. Because it was.

The next step was a test called an ‘ultrasound-guided core needle biopsy’. Basically, they poked my “mass” three times to remove tissue samples for further examination. By testing the tissue, doctors hoped to learn more about the biology of my lesion.


cancer

Waiting for the biopsy results was the worst week of my life. The stress, fear, and worry were too much, so I fainted. My husband, who was also beyond stressed, woke me up in a pool of blood. I had cracked my chin open and needed four stitches. With a bloodied chin and a bandaged breast, I waited. And waited some more.

I’ve had a few shitty days over the years, but I’m crowning May 31, 2019 as the worst day of my life. My breast biopsy results were in, and my doctor wanted to see me in person. “Bring someone with you,” she said.

And then she said the thing no woman wants to hear and every woman fears. Here we go …

“You have breast cancer.”

—

The Canadian Cancer Society says 1 in 8 women get breast cancer. Today, I am the one.

Take a deep breath. Now exhale and give it back.

I’ll write more soon.

Love love love,
Kerry

P.S. If you messaged me over the last while please know I wanted to respond. I just didn’t know how to tell you I wasn’t well.

{Big love to my friends Jamie, Nicole, and Meghan for encouraging me to write again. You guys know why.}